Mother Runner

First of all, thank you to everyone who chimed in with advice on the insurance/billing issue. I'm waiting to hear back from my letter to the billing office, but in the meantime I am going to get all of the records from my insurance company from that cycle and look into getting a RN case manager to help me untangle the mystery so I am prepared when the hospital comes back to me with an answer.

I just got back from my first trip away from all three kids- and really my first extended trip away at all since I've had kids- to return to Boston to run the 2008 Boston Marathon. For those unfamiliar with the world of distance running, Boston is like the Super Bowl of running. The Stanley Cup. The Olympics. Runners must qualify to run with a certain time except for a few runners who run for charity causes. Boston is not just a marathon- it is an experience. Running Boston has always been the highlight of my entire year. This was my fifth time running Boston but only my first since having children, and I have to say that this particular time was one of the most memorable experiences for me for a number of reasons.

First, my finishing time (three hours and sixteen minutes) was almost a personal record for me- I have only run two of my eleven marathons faster than that, and one was Chicago (which is fast and flat anyway) and the other was an earlier Boston that I finished only seconds faster than my time yesterday. I felt better through the run and feel better today (I honestly feel like I could go out for a run) than I can ever remember feeling after any marathon with the exception of the one I ran "slowly" to help pace my husband so he could finish in his own goal time of under four hours. I don't know if I should attribute that to better training- I ran much more in my training than I used to, especially because I knew after giving birth almost six months ago I couldn't rest on shoddy training- or if my body is somehow stronger now that I am older.

Or maybe it's the inspiration my children gave me on this run. Every time I thought of slowing down, I'd see little kids on the side of the road, offering their hand for a "high five," and I'd think of our twins saying "Mommy run" (that's what they say every time they see a runner out on the roads). I'd think of the day they'll come up to Boston with DH to cheer me on. And I'd run just a little faster. I'd feel a little stronger.

I was reading an article in the Marathon program about last year's Boston Marathon women's wheelchair champion, Wakako Tsuchida from Japan. Tsuchida had a child seven months before her victory in 2007 and felt that

"giving birth has made her body stronger. 'Being a mother an an athlete means so much to me. To succeed in both roles, I need to seek a balance. I find that I train harder so I can spend more time with my son.' She is not the only elite athlete and mother to suggest that having a baby improved her athletic performance. Paula Radcliffe, the world record-holder in the marathon, won last year's ING New York City Marathon seven months after giving birth to a daughter, and stated afterward that giving birth made her a better runner."

While I don't know if the physical act of giving birth (especially because my children were all born by c-section, so I can't claim that the pain of a marathon is nothing compared to vaginal delivery!) has made me stronger, I do think that living my life for my children has given me such a sense of purpose and determination that I have become more focused and balanced.

The second reason this was such a memorable trip was that it reminded me what it's like to be on my own schedule again. I hadn't realized how much I had forgotten what that was like until I actually had a weekend with no one to answer to but myself. I went to bed when I wanted to (sadly, that was 7:30 p.m. the first night I was there, as I had been up since 3:30 a.m.!), decided what activities to do during the day, left the hotel within five minutes of deciding I wanted to leave, walked as fast as I wanted, ate what I wanted (in peace!) and when I wanted. I hadn't done that in over two years and it felt so foreign.

I won't lie- I loved the freedom of being on my own for a weekend. But I also can't deny that I missed my family terribly. Every little kid I saw reminded me of our own. I watched, teary-eyed, as I saw other runners walking around over the weekend and after the race, with their children. I got choked up when I saw little kids holding signs that said "Go Mommy" or "Go Daddy." I talked about my kids (and DH!) to as many of the other runners who would listen. I called home A LOT.

Another reason this trip was special was that I had a chance to meet-- in person-- someone I consider one of my closest friends but who, amazingly, I had never met in person until this weekend. We met on an online infertility discussion board four years ago and she's been one of my biggest supporters and inspiration through everything we've gone through over the years. It was so special to be able to meet her (and her sweet and funny DH) in person. Giving her a hug was really a highlight of the weekend. I also got to meet up with another "online" friend (who I had met before when I went to run Boston in 2005) and a friend I used to work with while I was practicing law. Reconnecting with all of these friends reminded me how lucky I have been to have such amazingly strong, inspirational women in my life.

Over the weekend I thought a lot about the differences between the last Boston Marathon I ran in 2005 and this year's race. In 2005 we were in between our fourth and fifth round of IVF. The race was a way for me to recover a little bit of who I was before we started going through infertility hell. I was poorly trained (thanks to having gone through a cycle just a few weeks before the marathon and lots of extra pounds complements of the injectible meds) and in a very negative state of mind. It showed in my finishing time (the worst of all of my 11 marathons) and in my condition at the end of the race (barely in one piece). This time I was really at peace and in the "right place," both physically and mentally. It's amazing what a difference a few years can make.