Everyone keeps asking me, "So, are you ready?" I was definitely ready with the twins- after all, I had been sitting around for months on end, obsessing about a healthy outcome, and, towards the end, feeling VERY uncomfortable. I also had no idea what was about to hit me (namely, a couple of months- luckily only a couple- of sleep deprivation, mood swings, and the general feeling of total ineptitude). This time I'm in a happy place right now- we're in a great routine, I feel like I have my act together, I'm not in too much discomfort from the pregnancy itself....and frankly, I'm NOT looking forward to the first few weeks- the recovery, the hospital stay, the sleep deprivation.
Don't get me wrong- I am very excited to add to our family and if this baby brings even a fraction of the joy that our twins have brought to our lives, it will be more than enough to offset the initial "unpleasantries" of caring for a newborn. It's just that I hate change, and this is a big change. Once I get into a new routine and learn how to manage with three kids instead of just two, we'll be golden. But that unknown looms out there and without a crystal ball to tell me that things will be just fine, even more wonderful than I can imagine, I can't help getting nervous.
In the meantime, we're staying very busy trying to jam every ounce of quality time into these last few days. Lots of Halloween festivities, play dates, classes, running errands. It's certainly making this week go by a little too fast.
There's not much left to do in terms of preparation. Consistent with the Jewish superstition of not setting up much (if anything) in the house for a new baby ahead of time, we haven't really set up the room but everything is ready to go once the baby is born. Unlike last time when I wouldn't even allow anything baby-related into the house, I do have everything we'll need when we get home from the hospital on hand and organized. One of the most disconcerting feelings last time was coming home to a house that wasn't ready for our babies. My mother and mother-in-law attempted to organize things (wash and put away clothes, stock the supplies, etc.) but I had no idea where anything was and that just made me feel more inept and out of control. This time I'm at least getting somewhat prepared, if not totally set up.
I'm spending a lot of time trying to picture this baby and our new life with three kids. Whereas with the twins we knew we were having a boy and a girl, this time we've saved the gender as a surprise so I can't even picture that aspect of this baby. My gut says a boy- mainly because the heartrate has always been on par with what our son's was while in utero- but DH is guessing a girl. I wonder if I'm going to be totally thrown off if it's a girl. I know it's obviously a strong possibility, but I have just been assuming it's a boy for so long it will be somewhat of a surprise if it's a girl. I also wonder if this baby will look like either of our twins (who looked very different from each other) or if it will look more like me than either of them do. Will this baby be a "good" baby, sleeping well and easy to please, or, G-d forbid, will it be a difficult baby? Our twins were SO good- I feel like I'm due for a difficult baby. Hoping that's not the case, though.
What will I be like with this baby? Will I be more laid-back than with our twins? Will the crying bother me less? Will I want to lavish as much attention on this baby as I did with our twins, or will I even be able to if I want to? Is this baby going to end up watching the world go by from his/her carseat carrier while his/her older siblings partake in their activities?
I guess we'll know the answer tomorrow. Everything that needs to be done is done- preliminary blood work and pre-registration at the hospital, instructions left with both sets of parents (who will be caring for the twins while we're at the hospital tomorrow), the house is in as much order as it's going to be in. Stay tuned to find out what life is really like with three under two.