Sucking it Up

Oh, my. So I was looking forward to a nice long weekend, as my husband has Monday off for Columbus Day (which I've always found to be an odd holiday, but whatever...) I was especially excited because he was going to get to come to the kids' gym class on Monday morning; not only would he get to see how much they enjoy the class, but I'd have an extra set of hands to help chase them around the room, which is getting a little bit harder as I get bigger and bigger.

Today we found out that his grandmother, who lives in Germany, is headed downhill quickly. This woman is amazing and I've always found her inspirational- she is 94 years old, but until the past few years, she had more energy and spunk than most of my 30-something friends. I remember when I first met her about 10 years ago, when she'd come visit my husband's parents and stay here for a month or two, how she'd go out on her own to sight see, taking public transportation all on her own. She'd complain about the "old fogies" at her retirement home in Germany, and how no one ever wanted to go out on the town and have fun with her. She'd entertain us with stories from her younger days when she was wild and crazy (and quite progressive). She speaks at least four languages that I know of, and probably understands a whole lot more. In brief, she's an impressive woman with an unbeatable spirit.

Until a few weeks ago. She was sick and had to spend time in the hospital, and after that her fire just seemed to die. She told my father-in-law (her son) that this was the end of the line for her. While I'm used to hearing that type of talk from my own grandmother (who is convinced every malady is "it" for her), hearing it from my husband's grandmother was really disconcerting, just because she's always been so full of determination.


Since her episode in the hospital, she's been pretty much despondent. Apparently it's gotten so bad that she is not eating, drinking or responding to anyone, including her son. So my father-in-law is headed to Germany to see her, and my husband and his sister decided that they should go too. My husband was hesitant to go and leave me (his eight+ month pregnant wife) but I told him he needed to go. I would hate to be the reason he didn't get one final visit with his grandmother- how could I (or he?) ever live with that? So he's headed off to Germany tomorrow evening until Monday afternoon.

Typically, it wouldn't be an issue- I've been with the kids on my own for as much as a week before, and although it's exhausting, I can do it. I have plenty of family and friends to step in and give me a little break if I need it, but I usually like to do it all on my own (typical Supermom mentality...and my stubborn nature). However, this time he'll be coming home only to leave the next day for a business trip. And once he gets back from that, he turns around four days later to leave for another trip. So that means he'll be gone for ten of the next fourteen days.

I'd like to think I'll be fine, and under most "normal" circumstances (read: not 35 weeks pregnant), I could do it with ease. And I'm so stubbornly independent that typically I wouldn't even accept any offers of help. But I'm a little nervous this time, and it's the first time I've felt such trepidation at having him leave. This is actually the first time I've turned to my parents and asked them for help while he's gone. Usually I tell them not to worry, I'll be fine on my own, and they take that literally and stop by for maybe 20 minutes, but that's the extent of their assistance. This time I'm going to have to learn to suck it up and ask for help, because I just don't know if I can make it through the next two weeks without asking for a helping hand. That means not only my parents, but my sister, my mother-in-law (and trust me, accepting her help is VERY difficult for me), and anyone else I can find. Hopefully I can spread the weight around so that I don't have to impose too much on any one person.

Honestly, I think the hardest part about the next two weeks is going to be letting myself accept help. But if I don't, I'm afraid that I'll be so beat by the end that I could end up hurting my own--or worse, this baby's- health. So I'll be sucking it up, and hoping the next two weeks go by very quickly.