The Upshot

Thanks to everyone for your supportive words and suggestions. I was mulling over my options when DH tells me today that he spoke to his parents about it when he was at their house this morning. I was a little caught off guard because I was really leaning toward the "don't ask, don't tell" approach to keep the peace. So much for that idea.

Apparently MIL and FIL are very upset that SIL and I aren't BFF and take it personally. I don't know exactly what was said but I'm sure that they had some pretty stern words for me and I'm glad I wasn't there (although knowing them, they'd never tell me this to my face- well, maybe MIL would...) I feel pretty sad that they are upset about all of this and, I'm sure, blame me, but I hope that at least they recognize why I feel the way I do.

Also, DH (finally) confessed to being upset about this since Thursday. This is something he does all the time- stew about things and not tell me about it despite repeated "is everything OK" questions. I totally get why he's upset- he's stuck in the middle no matter what I do and he feels really torn. We had a pretty good talk- I asked him exactly what he needs me to do...but making it clear that I will not become best friends with her. I told him I have intentionally NOT bitched about her to him for a year now in order to keep him out of it, but he said that he doesn't want me holding back and would rather I tell him when things upset me instead of keeping it inside and having it eat me up. And I asked him to back me up when we're around her and she does something out of line (instead of leaving it to me to handle all by myself). So I think we're making some headway at least in terms of how it affects the two of us, and I'm going to try to make an effort to not be as hard on her as I usually am, because I'm sure by now I am looking for things to annoy me. Don't get me wrong- we're never going to be friends (because she's just not the type of person I would ever want for a friend) but I am going to try.

Oh, and the kicker? SIL is going to be away on her trip that weekend anyway. So as I suspected, all of this was for nothing and I could have looked like the better person by never saying anything in the first place, but I'm glad that DH and I got to hash it out and just hope that we can figure out a way to make everyone content from here on out. (Notice I said content, not happy, because MIL is never going to be happy unless SIL and I are BFF. Still not going to happen).