Sunday, June 15, 2008

Heartbroken

I have a neighbor, L, who I became friendly with a little over a year ago when she was expecting twins. They were "surprise" twins...she and her husband have two older children (one going into kindergarten and the other already in elementary school) and wanted a third but were going to have three and four. She was excited, though, and we spoke a few times about preparations for twins, joining our local Parents of Multiples club, etc. And then the unimaginable happened: she went in for her scheduled c-section, a few days after a regular check-up that showed both babies doing well, and there were no heartbeats. She lost both twins at term. It was my worst nightmare and I felt so heartbroken for her. I saw her about 6 months after their passing and she was pregnant again, this time with a singleton. She told me that they never found any reason for the twins' stillbirth, except that they were identical and there was a chance it was twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome that went undetected or occur ed so quickly that it couldn't have been caught. So she was somewhat relieved to be carrying "just one" and mentioned that she'd be monitored more carefully this time and the baby would be delivered early just to be safe.

Earlier this week another neighbor friend of mine told me that the baby-- a girl-- was born healthy but that L was in ICU, sedated, because she had some serious complications from the birth related to hemorrhaging. And a few minutes ago I got the call to tell me she had passed away. I am in shock and heartbroken once again. How can one family have to endure two tragedies like this in a lifetime, never mind the course of one year? How can a husband and children live a normal, happy life after something like this? What can anyone do to help them cope with the pain?

I feel helpless. We didn't know the family well, but enough that I want to do something, even if just a token gesture, to let them know that L will always be remembered and that they have a community that loves them to help them through this horrible time and beyond. Nothing anyone can do will bring L back, I know that. But is there something we can do to show our support?

2 comments:

The Town Criers said...

I wish I had ideas.

This is the blog you were trying to remember: http://www.mattlogelin.com/.

It is just so incredibly sad and my heart goes out to that family.

Shelby said...

Wow, I can't imagine what L's husband and kids are going through. I will be sending lots of thoughts their way...and yours as well.
*hugs*